Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
