i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
