haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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