he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
