how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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