i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
