Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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