no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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