Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
