I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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