My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
