how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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