My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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