i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize