mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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