just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
