oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize