I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
