just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
