so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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