I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
These tits shall not be calmed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
