its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
