I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
