I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
