Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Go christen that room with your naked body.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
