Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
