Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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