You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
