How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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