i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
