We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
