I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize