So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
