apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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