Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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