My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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