I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
