what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
