xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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