Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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