I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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