You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
