Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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