so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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