'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
