Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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