First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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