How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
