I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
