Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
