she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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