wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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