two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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