Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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