dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
