We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
