For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
