as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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