We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
