The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk is not a location!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
