Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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