going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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