i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize