I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
