He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
