@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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